America and Me - Part 2

I told Duke Ellington to take the A train. I knew the secret woid and won a hundred dollas. I smoked a Chesterfield, a Lucky Strike, and a Camel. I was on the lecture circuit with Mark Twain. I told Stevie Wonder that it was finger poppin' time. I called Jim Morrison a Lizard King. I told Minnesota Fats to try the eight ball in the side pocket. I told Roger Maris to go for 61. I begged George Reeves not to do himself harm. I told Robert Young that Father Knows Best. I convinced Ozzie Nelson that a missing tie could be considered an "adventure". I told the MC5 to kick out the jams. I told Iron Butterfly to slur "In the Garden of Eden" to "In a Gadda Da Vida". I was on the grassy knoll. I told Elvis that if he felt it, he should wiggle. I went down to the crossroads with Robert Johnson. I told Joe Kennedy not to take the dangerous mission. I told Chick Webb to let Ella audition. I introduced Stan Laurel to Oliver Hardy, and Larry Fine to the Howard brothers. I knew that with Brylcreem a little dab'll do ya. I watched Bucky Beaver hawk Ipana toothpaste and I wondered where the yellow went when I brushed with Pepsodent. I thought Ovaltine tasted like chocolate vitamins. I went by whatever Mrs. Francis, Captain Kangaroo, and Buffalo Bob said. I saw George Carlin host the first Saturday Night Live. I was in the plane with Amelia Earhart. I helped Diego Rivera paint the mural at the DIA. I told Ditka to let Payton take in the last touchdown of the '85 Superbowl, but he went with the "Fridge" instead. I told Sam to play it again. I told Woody Allen to take the money and run. I told Stephen King's wife to pull "Carrie" out of the trash and submit it. I told Stonewall Jackson that we should bury his arm out back, separate from the others.... I decided that only in America could cooking, art, and comedy be made into a game show. And then I hated it. I was with the Detroit Tigers in 68 and 84. I told Kurt Gibson that even though he had a leg brace on he should go out and bat in the ninth inning. I thought Campbell Soup was "Um Um Good" and Maxwell House was "good to the last drop." I'd "walk a mile for a Camel" and rather "fight than switch" from Tarrytons. I explained irony to Rod Serling and O. Henry. I taught lasso to Will Rogers. I made Roy Rogers and Gene Autry cowboys. I taught Meryl Streep how to act. I told Jimmy Stewart that being from Indiana, Pennsylvania was like being from Alaska or Wyoming Michigan. I reminded Humphrey Bogart that he wasn't really the Gerber Baby, I was in a 'Thriller' episode hosted by Boris Karloff. And yes, you were on my mind.