America and Me - Part 2

I told Duke Ellington to take the A train. I knew the secret woid and won a hundred dollas. I smoked a Chesterfield, a Lucky Strike, and a Camel. I was on the lecture circuit with Mark Twain. I told Stevie Wonder that it was finger poppin' time. I called Jim Morrison a Lizard King. I told Minnesota Fats to try the eight ball in the side pocket. I told Roger Maris to go for 61. I begged George Reeves not to do himself harm. I told Robert Young that Father Knows Best. I convinced Ozzie Nelson that a missing tie could be considered an "adventure". I told the MC5 to kick out the jams. I told Iron Butterfly to slur "In the Garden of Eden" to "In a Gadda Da Vida". I was on the grassy knoll. I told Elvis that if he felt it, he should wiggle. I went down to the crossroads with Robert Johnson. I told Joe Kennedy not to take the dangerous mission. I told Chick Webb to let Ella audition. I introduced Stan Laurel to Oliver Hardy, and Larry Fine to the Howard brothers. I knew that with Brylcreem a little dab'll do ya. I watched Bucky Beaver hawk Ipana toothpaste and I wondered where the yellow went when I brushed with Pepsodent. I thought Ovaltine tasted like chocolate vitamins. I went by whatever Mrs. Francis, Captain Kangaroo, and Buffalo Bob said. I saw George Carlin host the first Saturday Night Live. I was in the plane with Amelia Earhart. I helped Diego Rivera paint the mural at the DIA. I told Ditka to let Payton take in the last touchdown of the '85 Superbowl, but he went with the "Fridge" instead. I told Sam to play it again. I told Woody Allen to take the money and run. I told Stephen King's wife to pull "Carrie" out of the trash and submit it. I told Stonewall Jackson that we should bury his arm out back, separate from the others.... I decided that only in America could cooking, art, and comedy be made into a game show. And then I hated it. I was with the Detroit Tigers in 68 and 84. I told Kurt Gibson that even though he had a leg brace on he should go out and bat in the ninth inning. I thought Campbell Soup was "Um Um Good" and Maxwell House was "good to the last drop." I'd "walk a mile for a Camel" and rather "fight than switch" from Tarrytons. I explained irony to Rod Serling and O. Henry. I taught lasso to Will Rogers. I made Roy Rogers and Gene Autry cowboys. I taught Meryl Streep how to act. I told Jimmy Stewart that being from Indiana, Pennsylvania was like being from Alaska or Wyoming Michigan. I reminded Humphrey Bogart that he wasn't really the Gerber Baby, I was in a 'Thriller' episode hosted by Boris Karloff. And yes, you were on my mind.

America and Me - Part 1

I was next to James Dean in the Spyder. I held the high ground with Chamberlain on Little Round Top. I was in the Inn where Paul Revere stopped and a stable boy finished the ride. I was in the Enola Gay. I pitched to Babe Ruth. I wandered the streets of Copenhagen with Tom Waits. I was in the car with Bonnie and Clyde when that Melvin Purvis got over. I hit the beach at Normandy. I was on the bandstand with Charlie Parker. I was hitchhiking with Jack Kerouac. I was in the Pepsi Generation, and had a Big Mac attack. I was with Jack Benny when the robber approached with "your money or your life". I know Who's on first. I was with Bogart when he told Ingrid Bergman to get on the plane. I told Lee to go up the middle at Gettysburg. I was on the raft with Huck and Jim. I hung out with Holden Caufield, and Ishmael. I told Francis Ford Coppola to stick to his guns, and keep Al Pacino. I asked Emily Dickinson to come out of her room. I suggested to President Obama that we could. I told Sherman, "Let's go all the way to the sea!" I told Elvis to try and do a blues song to a country western rhythm and let's call it rock n roll. I was with Ray Croc when he told the McDonald brothers he'd buy them out. I watched Jimi Hendrix choke on his own vomit. I told the Smothers Brothers to be careful, Nixon was out of his mind. Lou Gerhig, Mel Ott, Harmon Killebrew.... I played with them all. I told George H. W. Bush to proceed with Operation Desert Storm. I was there when Dick Winters got field promoted to Lieutenant - I was in the Band of Brothers. I was watching the "Our American Cousin" in the box with Lincoln at the Ford's theater. I told Louie Armstrong he should just go with 'Satchmo' since his smile was as big as the satchel he was carrying. I told Allen Ginsberg to howl. I sat in the chair with the Rosenbergs. I told Thomas Wolfe to look homeward. I sat and waited and waited for Edison's light to finally burn out. I told Andy Warhol to paint a can of Tomato Soup. I suggested to Orville Wright that if the distance over the top of the wing was greater than the distance under the wing, we might get lift. I told Walt Disney to go with the mouse. I was in Cleveland with Eliot Ness because we'd been in Chicago during Capone. I told Andrew Jackson he wasn't fit to be President after the "Trail of Tears." I was in the parking lot with Sal Mineo when a blade slammed into his heart. I was with John Glenn in the capsule while we orbited the Earth. I was in the New York parade when the confetti looked like a snowstorm. I was angry that Lincoln missed "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn" and Kennedy missed The Beatles. I was on the Arizona in Pearl Harbor. I told Steve Jobs not to hire that Bill Gates. I was in the audience in the Ed Sullivan Theater on February 11, 1964. I introduced Paul Simon to Art Garfunkel, and Steve Stills to David Crosby and Graham Nash. I was in the Apollo 13 capsule. I spent a horrible winter at Valley Forge. I went to the crossroads with Robert Johnson. I was in the "Metracal for Lunch Bunch", was squeezing the Charmin, and asked "Where's the beef?". I fixed the 1919 World Series. I went to Speakeasys during prohibition. I lived in Mayberry, loved Lucy, and went to the Twilight Zone where Alice went bang-zoom to the moon. I handed Truman the newspaper that proclaimed Dewey the winner. I told Berry Gordy to change the name to Motown. I was in a bar with Charles Bukowski. I told Miles Davis he looked kind of blue. I told Dylan to go electric. McCarthy blacklisted me. I danced on American Bandstand. I was a Mouseketeer. I convinced Jimmy Stewart it's a wonderful life. I told Harper Lee it's a sin to kill a mockingbird. I stood on the corner of Haight-Ashbury in 1967. I was in the water with Natalie Wood. I was with Neil Armstrong when he took one small step and one giant leap. I saw the first Saturday Night Live live. I was Amelia Earhart's co-pilot. I took Springsteen to Thunder Road, and showed Dylan Desolation Row. I watched the market crash in '29. I saw the first mushroom cloud. I was in the limo with Kennedy and in the book depository with Oswald. I was in the World Trade Center on 9/11. I was on Yasgar's farm in August of 1969 - Woodstock. I held the stop watch at Kitty Hawk. I told Dave Brubeck to take five. I hung out with Elvis in the Jungle Room. And through it all, I thought of you.

Money is Fiction

I was listening to something on the radio and a woman remarked that "Money is Fiction". And in my car while on M-57 I yelled "Eureka! Somebody agrees with me!" Money is fiction. There is no money. You have no money. You are penniless. Lucky for you though that you have digits.

You see, every two weeks the State of Michigan puts a series of electronic digits into my account. And I am happy. From that series of electronic digits I send my creditors a series of electronic digits. And when they get them, they are happy. I assume they then send their creditors an electronic series of digits, and all of their creditors are happy. But they are only numbers. They are meaningless numbers.

Where is the money in all of this? There is no money. We are all just agreeing to somehow get along.

Money is fiction....an illusion. But, what the hell.

storms revisited

Another storm. Worse than the last, but without all the hype. Lucky for me it was President's Day, and I didn't have to go in anyway. I'd have never made it. The snow came on schedule, and it was something else. I spent the day doing three separate rounds of shoveling so I can get out tomorrow.

Somewhere it doesn't have to be like this. I cannot wait to leave Michigan. Who in their right mind wants to live here? The economy's a mess and as an added bonus the weather stinks. I want to leave. I want to spend the rest of my life enjoying it. Not waking up angry because of where I live. Just a couple more winters. Just a couple more. I have to keep telling myself...

I only hope I don't die before I can get out of here. I don't want to be the weather version of George Bailey in "It's A Wonderful Life" never getting to realize his dreams. I want to be able to look at my driver's license and not see Michigan anywhere on it. That's all I want. I just want to finish up here and go.

Somebody else can shut off the lights when everybody finally wises up and leaves this horrid piece of tundra....

The last one standing

Okay, I admit, it's stupid. But in my mind I tried to predict who would be the last surviving member of my graduating class. High school, that is. And I always came up with one name. Barb Meadows. That was my pick. That beautiful and quiet girl from my class. But in searching for her for last summer's 40th reunion, it was revealed she has passed due to complications from diabetes. That truly sucks. She was one of the sweetest things about the class of "because the world is round it turns us on" 1970. Barb, you left us too soon.

storms

It's the night of the "Storm of the Century" although we're only 10 years into the century. The staff in the prison where I work could all go back to work tonight if we so choose, and stay for 16 plus hours...more like 20 for me. Oh well, I'm not going. I may try and make it in in the morning, but getting home tomorrow night is the part that bothers me. When to retire bothers me too.

When is the right time? "To quote the Clash: Should I go or should I rock the Casbah?" I heard that somewhere. And as time drags on it becomes apparent that I am slowly not belonging there as much as usual.

And so a storm is brewing. Let it rage I say, let it rage. I want to pack my stuff and my girl and go to where it never snows. Soon, I must tell myself. Soon. But til then.... I must rock the Casbah.